Disappointed

I think I expect too much or long for something that just doesn't happen in real life. I long for a church filled with friends that love me and are interested in my life. I long for a church that I can go to and never wanna leave because we are talking too  much to all our wonderful friends. I long for a church where our friends call us and check in and see how life is going, especially when we are facing hard times. I long for a church where our friends would want to hand out outside of church, ask us to dinner and agree to come to our house to visit and have dinner. I long for a church filled with people that care about us.

I love my church. Well I love most things about my church. I love that it is big. I love that they preach to the unchurched. I love that my pastor uses his everyday struggles and life to express what he is trying to preach. I love that we get warm smiles and welcomes as we come in and that some of the ladies have fallen in love with Micah. I love that there is plenty of room to walk around and lots of comfy couches to sit in. I love that there is a fireplace and a private room to feed my baby, if I need. I love that many sermons are meant just for us, or just for me. I love that they don't pass the plate, instead we put our money in the boxes on the wall.

I have tried many things to get more involved and have more friends. I volunteered for about 6 months (until I was too pregnant to help anymore) serving coffee and it turned into a job where I met no one. I signed up for spiritual mentorship and I barely talk to her anymore and we never finished due to our completely different work schedules. I signed up to have a friend to walk with and she stopped answering my calls and texts after about 2 weeks. I found a Mothers Together group after I got pregnant and really got into it after I had Micah, it was great getting to know these ladies (well the little bit we were able to talk) but besides the days we met and the (what felt like forced) emails, they don't talk to me.

I feel most disappointed in Mothers Together. This year has been really rough on me because I had a baby and I had to learn how to be a mom and a wife and still be me. I also dealt with my little brother going to prison. I was completely open and honest with all the ladies and shared my struggles often, but I really never got a phone call or a surprise visit just to see how I was mantally. I feel like I was screaming for help and for love and all I got was the normal Wed worship where some take over the conversation and I fall back into the dinstance where no one can hear me. I know I can be a little hard to take sometimes, I have Micah with me all the time and now that I started working I can't go as much.

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe what I do is not enough for them and they dont want to do for me. Maybe I am meant to be friendless and deal with my problems on my own.

There was a time where I thought we were going to get divorced and somehow I ran into a ladie at church that prayed for me. I love that she did take her time to listen to me. But I feel like, I wish, she would have taken the time to send me a follow up email or call me  sometime in that mess and check on me. I was 3 months pregnant and struggling with life and marriage. I could have used a friend to just check in.

I really do not know what is wrong with me that people dont or wont give me the time of day. I would love to make some awesome friends at church but I guess it just isnt meant to be. I'll keep trying and maybe one day I'll make lots of friends at church and I will LOVE going.

-Disappointed

Elimination Diet Day Eight

Well I ate a few white chocolate chips today (hey at least I stopped at a few) and I am seriously contemplating making some coffee tonight. I figure what the heck I still have the headache, but it is not near as bad as it was Sunday. Maybe I just still need to let everything get out of my system or maybe the headaches are from something else. For now just a little slip today.

Elimination Diet Day Seven

I had a small headache most of the day but it never got real bad. The hubby made coffee and it made me want some really bad, I don't know how much longer I can stay away from the yummy stuff (especially since I still have a headache).

Elimination Diet Day Six

I really did not have a headache for the first part of the day, but around 3 it hit me and hasn't left yet. I am so tired of these stupid headaches and wish they would just go away. I am not eating any of the food on the list and feel like 6 days is plenty to get them all out of my system.

O well maybe next week will go better. I will continue the diet and see where it leads me. Once I figure out the whole headache thing I am eating chocolate!!

Elimination Diet Day Five

I have been really good on not eating the foods I should not be eating. I have to say that I am proud of myself. I crave coffee more than I crave dr. pepper, which I think is weird.

Today hasn't been too bad. I woke up with a headache, but that may be because I didn't get much sleep last night and the boy woke up at 4am. Thank GOD daddy took him around 530 and rocked him back to sleep before he left for work or else I don't know how we would have functioned all day.

I have had a slight headache all day, it hasn't gotten too bad. I don't even think I had to take my tylonol today:) Hopefully I will wake up with no headache tomorrow and not have another one again.

Elimination Diet Day Four

Today the headache was very small, it only intensified a few times and went right back to just a dull ache. I did really well not eating any of the food, but I still want my pretzles. O and I found this huge orea ice cream/cake thing that made my mouth water, but I will not be eating that for a while (Micah doesn't like dairy too well).

I do have a bit of a headache right now and I hope it will be completely gone by the time I go to bed tonight, I might be up with the baby all night since he went to bed at 645 tonight and is now wide awake:(  So pray for me.

Elimination Diet Day Three

Did you know there are oranges in orange/pineapple juice? Who woulda thought.

Really I put orange/pineapple juice in my smoothie yesterday and started drinking a glass today when I realized I was drinking something on my "To not to" list. LOL

Today I struggled with a really bad headache all day, but luckily I have a loving hubby and he snuggled with a sleeping baby while I took a small nap next to them. Right now the headache is slowing going away and I pray it stays away, tomorrow I will not be drinking that juice.

I did manage to stay away from all the rest of the foods. I still want my pretzles and coffee seems to be a want right now.