This whole wedding planning is just not for me. It is mind boggling the things I need to think about to purchase for the reception. Then I have to make sure we have everything for the actual trip and wedding attire and dinner clothes... UGH!!!
There is the dj or sound system or whatever we use, the guest book, the food, the pig, the roaster, the fondue pot, the table linens, the table toppers, the rose kisses, the pen for the guest book, the clothes to wear to the thing, the clothes to wear to Jamaica, the swinsuits, teh flip flops, the .............................................
UGH!!!!! THis all seems overwhelming and getting Shawn to plan anything with me is getting hard. He tells my "all your ideas are so good lets go with that..." or "we can plan it later"...
Just wanted to vent for a minute
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Stop feeding the homeless booze!!!
I am pretty sure most people know this but I feel the need to say it so that maybe the few that don't can figure it out... When you give money to a homeless guy on the street he takes that money and buys the biggest cheapest vodka he can get. Liquer stores do not care about how intoxicated the person is or how much they need to buy food, they look at getting money from the poor guy.
If you really feel bad for the guy sitting on the corner near the plaza then give him the sandwich form your lunchbox or maybe a duffle bag to carry all his stuff around in or give him a coat to stay warm with. I really think we need to step up and do something about these guys. As an emt, I scrape these men off the streets at ten in the morning, yes that early in the morning and they are already so trashed they cannot walk straight. The regulars usually end up burning bridges at most hospitals and with most people that must deal with them. These men are human, they are GOD's children too. We should not have to see them this way.
There are so many mission centers and places for people to stay, many places have drop off sites so you can leave clothes and whatever else. I feel like the more money we give to these people the more harm they are doing to themselves. The more harm they do to themselves the more tax money we pay to take care of them.
Think about it, someone gives them just enough money to buy a pint and a six pack of beer. They might get some more money and score another pint or more and well that much alcohol in a day can harm your liver. They become so slobbering drunk that they fall down and pass out thus creating the need for an ambulance ride to the hospital. A day and maybe even a night in a hospital and then they can go to start all over again. Not only are we as a country paying for this guy to buy the alcohol we are also paying for him to ride to the hospital and spend the night. And maybe months down the road or even years we get to pay for him to be hospitalized for liver failure.
I am not saying shoo the homeless away, just be catious of what you are giving them. These guys need coats and blankets for the winter, maybe long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts. They need backpacks or duffle bags to carry their stuff in. They need actual food, not money to buy food, but food to eat. Make them a small brown bag lunch and drop it off on the usual corner you see them at. Give them a bottle of water, dehydration is not so good either. Point them in the direction of free meals and places to stay maybe even small time jobs (althought most are homeless by choice and refuse to work).
After you look at all the wrong reasons to give a homeless guy money there are so many more reasons. Some are on numerous meds for various reasons and alcohol makes it worse, even if they don't take the meds. Just having a certain disorder can be seriously life threatening when you add booze.
So the next time you see someone standing on a corner begging for whatever, really think about what you are going to give him to help him out. Find out where they stay and bring them a sack full of food, or maybe a nice dinner a month instead of throwing money at them.
If you really feel bad for the guy sitting on the corner near the plaza then give him the sandwich form your lunchbox or maybe a duffle bag to carry all his stuff around in or give him a coat to stay warm with. I really think we need to step up and do something about these guys. As an emt, I scrape these men off the streets at ten in the morning, yes that early in the morning and they are already so trashed they cannot walk straight. The regulars usually end up burning bridges at most hospitals and with most people that must deal with them. These men are human, they are GOD's children too. We should not have to see them this way.
There are so many mission centers and places for people to stay, many places have drop off sites so you can leave clothes and whatever else. I feel like the more money we give to these people the more harm they are doing to themselves. The more harm they do to themselves the more tax money we pay to take care of them.
Think about it, someone gives them just enough money to buy a pint and a six pack of beer. They might get some more money and score another pint or more and well that much alcohol in a day can harm your liver. They become so slobbering drunk that they fall down and pass out thus creating the need for an ambulance ride to the hospital. A day and maybe even a night in a hospital and then they can go to start all over again. Not only are we as a country paying for this guy to buy the alcohol we are also paying for him to ride to the hospital and spend the night. And maybe months down the road or even years we get to pay for him to be hospitalized for liver failure.
I am not saying shoo the homeless away, just be catious of what you are giving them. These guys need coats and blankets for the winter, maybe long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts. They need backpacks or duffle bags to carry their stuff in. They need actual food, not money to buy food, but food to eat. Make them a small brown bag lunch and drop it off on the usual corner you see them at. Give them a bottle of water, dehydration is not so good either. Point them in the direction of free meals and places to stay maybe even small time jobs (althought most are homeless by choice and refuse to work).
After you look at all the wrong reasons to give a homeless guy money there are so many more reasons. Some are on numerous meds for various reasons and alcohol makes it worse, even if they don't take the meds. Just having a certain disorder can be seriously life threatening when you add booze.
So the next time you see someone standing on a corner begging for whatever, really think about what you are going to give him to help him out. Find out where they stay and bring them a sack full of food, or maybe a nice dinner a month instead of throwing money at them.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Update
Well I managed to talk to my hunny and all is well, after some very hard discussions. Luckily we made it through and the wedding is still on and he recognizes my need for space and I am learning to help him with his trust issues. I guess once you have been hurt those little thoughts never quite leave the back of your mind.
We have settled on Jamaica for a wedding and honeymoon. I am so very excited, we are leaving KC on Nov 7th, getting married on Nov 10th and returning to KC on Nov 16th. I cannot wait, and already I am making a list of what to bring in my head.
Now to settle on the reception... !!!UGH!!! I am pretty sure we are having to reception in OP KS or something like that and I think it will be the last weekend in November. We are still not sure on what we are going to serve, wether or not we will have a dj or jsut play some cds. I don't know if we will make invites or buy them, I don't even know who all will be invited. I am not even sure what time we will have it or exactly what day.
What I do know is...
We will roast a pig and most likely serve foods that will go with pig-YUCK!
We will do the dollar dance and father daughter dance YAY!
I hope to have a white chocolate fondue dip thing, not even sure where to go for that.
We will play our wedding during the reception for all to see, and hopefully we will get to show off more pix from our whole trip.
We do know that we will move into his house for a few short months and then rent or buy a place, hopefully his mom gives us that bigger bed (a twin is too small). Um!!! Well Im sure there is much more to think about, he will just add me to his insurance for cars and health. And I think we will continue to go to his church for now, ..... So much to think about and plan.....
I am so ready to get to Jamaica and be married already, but I am not ready to leave my sissies house. I love living there and I love seeing the kids all the time. I am very afraid he will limit my time with the kids to a small amount. I want to see them grow daily, I don't wanna be a monthly visitor I wanna be a daily or weekly visitor. I want them to come over for sleep overs, and movie nights.
Anyhow that is my update. O Im sure I could ramble on for even longer but I must get some sleep tonight...
PS any good marriage advice is accepted graciously
The number one key I keep hearing is communication and the ones that arent afraid of affending me tell me to keep GOD as number one and your marriage is sure to have a head start!
We have settled on Jamaica for a wedding and honeymoon. I am so very excited, we are leaving KC on Nov 7th, getting married on Nov 10th and returning to KC on Nov 16th. I cannot wait, and already I am making a list of what to bring in my head.
Now to settle on the reception... !!!UGH!!! I am pretty sure we are having to reception in OP KS or something like that and I think it will be the last weekend in November. We are still not sure on what we are going to serve, wether or not we will have a dj or jsut play some cds. I don't know if we will make invites or buy them, I don't even know who all will be invited. I am not even sure what time we will have it or exactly what day.
What I do know is...
We will roast a pig and most likely serve foods that will go with pig-YUCK!
We will do the dollar dance and father daughter dance YAY!
I hope to have a white chocolate fondue dip thing, not even sure where to go for that.
We will play our wedding during the reception for all to see, and hopefully we will get to show off more pix from our whole trip.
We do know that we will move into his house for a few short months and then rent or buy a place, hopefully his mom gives us that bigger bed (a twin is too small). Um!!! Well Im sure there is much more to think about, he will just add me to his insurance for cars and health. And I think we will continue to go to his church for now, ..... So much to think about and plan.....
I am so ready to get to Jamaica and be married already, but I am not ready to leave my sissies house. I love living there and I love seeing the kids all the time. I am very afraid he will limit my time with the kids to a small amount. I want to see them grow daily, I don't wanna be a monthly visitor I wanna be a daily or weekly visitor. I want them to come over for sleep overs, and movie nights.
Anyhow that is my update. O Im sure I could ramble on for even longer but I must get some sleep tonight...
PS any good marriage advice is accepted graciously
The number one key I keep hearing is communication and the ones that arent afraid of affending me tell me to keep GOD as number one and your marriage is sure to have a head start!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Kate says it so well...
Yes I am totally and utterly in love with Jon and Kate plus 8. The children are amazingly beautiful and well behaved for the most part. Jon and Kate love each other to the moon and back again and still they argue and fight over dumb stuff. I love watching the episodes and I love watching them grow as a family. They are truly in it until end and nothing and noone will stop them. I love that they realize that they are not perfect and they just try, try, try. I hope to one day try that hard in my marriage (I think I am spelling that wrong).
ANyway I just finished reading her book (thank you hunny) and I found some really cool scripture to live by. It seems to work for her so why not apply it to my life...
Philippians 4:19
And my GOD will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning
Isiah 40:31
those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint
I loved the six lessons she learned from GOD...
GOD is in control
GOD is gracious and strong
GOD can be trusted
GOD is love
GOD will provide
Give GOD the glory and praise
WOW!!! THis reminds me to open my bible more often and really read the word and soak it up. I need to apply more of HIM to my life, no I need to hand over my all to HIM. I, once again, will try way harder to just give it all to HIM and live through HIM.
Maybe I am rambling sorry. I just feel that those times I just relax and give my struggles to HIM, to GOD, I am so thankful and it makes it so much better.
SO here I am GOD. My life is in your hands and I am just your child obeying your commands. My relationship with SHawn is up to you, where we go with it is in your hands (I really like him LORD). My financial situation is at your door, tell me where to turn with my money and I shall obey. My work stresses are at your feet, please teach me to be whatever you have planned for me to be and I shall follow. My family is in your hands, teach me to preach the gospel to them without offending them (I do wish for my whole family to be saved). My friends, the ones I shall make and the ones I have, are at your fate; you choose who shall stay and who shall leave, who shall come into my life and who won't. My health is also in your hands, what you say goes with how I spend my days on this earth.
ANyway I just finished reading her book (thank you hunny) and I found some really cool scripture to live by. It seems to work for her so why not apply it to my life...
Philippians 4:19
And my GOD will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning
Isiah 40:31
those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint
I loved the six lessons she learned from GOD...
GOD is in control
GOD is gracious and strong
GOD can be trusted
GOD is love
GOD will provide
Give GOD the glory and praise
WOW!!! THis reminds me to open my bible more often and really read the word and soak it up. I need to apply more of HIM to my life, no I need to hand over my all to HIM. I, once again, will try way harder to just give it all to HIM and live through HIM.
Maybe I am rambling sorry. I just feel that those times I just relax and give my struggles to HIM, to GOD, I am so thankful and it makes it so much better.
SO here I am GOD. My life is in your hands and I am just your child obeying your commands. My relationship with SHawn is up to you, where we go with it is in your hands (I really like him LORD). My financial situation is at your door, tell me where to turn with my money and I shall obey. My work stresses are at your feet, please teach me to be whatever you have planned for me to be and I shall follow. My family is in your hands, teach me to preach the gospel to them without offending them (I do wish for my whole family to be saved). My friends, the ones I shall make and the ones I have, are at your fate; you choose who shall stay and who shall leave, who shall come into my life and who won't. My health is also in your hands, what you say goes with how I spend my days on this earth.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I am thankful for...
I am so thankful for so many things in my life, at times I forget just how wonderfully blessed I am. I pray that I always appreciate everything I have and never take it for granted because I am undeserving of all that I have yet I have it.
I have a wonderful nephew, Chaz, that loves me with his whole heart. Chaz is smart and handsome and a really great back rubber. I love learning about his day and all the knowledge he has absorbed. I don't always show him and I don't always appreciate him, but I love him dearly and I am truly blessed to have him as a nephew.
I am so amazed at BriJet, my first neice. She is so smart and gorgeous, she loves to sing and dance and dress as a princess. BriJet thinks she is a princess and should be treated as such, I love this about her. I love her little girly personality and the way she loves on me when she has not seen me in just a few hours. I am so blessed to have her in my life and I am excited to watch her grow and turn into a beautiful young china princess.
I have a beautiful baby girl, Ainzley, the youngest neice. I love the little words that come out of her mouth and the excitement she shows when she sees me. I love that she hugs me so tight and gives me the biggest kisses ever. She is such a copy cat and wants to do whatever sissie and Chaz get to do. I am so blessed to be able to watch her grow and learn and turn into a gorgeous china princess.
I am very blessed to have a twin sister that takes such good care of me. I love Michelle to pieces, she does so much for me on a daily basis, I love that I can be such a huge part of her life. I love to watch her grow as a mommy and a wife and I learn so much from her. I am truly blessed to have someone so close to chat anytime I need (well with little voices thrown in there also).
I am blessed to have a BIL, Wen, that loves having me live in his house and never complains one bit that I am here. He is a wonderful man and a good daddy. Ainzley loves her daddy and cannot wait to him most days, which I love. I love living here with the whole SUN clan and wouldn't change one part of my life.
I am truly blessed where I am and with the little family I have here in this house. I pray I can always appreciate the little miracles I see in these kids on a daily basis.
Then I meet Shawn and everything just keeps getting better. I love Shawn a ton and although we have our times of trial I pray I always remember the things I love most about him. Shawn is an amazing man that has a wonderful heart. He loves kids and cannot wait to be the most hands on daddy ever. He loves the LORD with all his heart and he loves me that much too!
I love him because he does so much for me. He will give me a full body massage, even if I only ask for a back rub. He will cook dinner for me or go get it if I am hungry. He will get up extra early just to wake me for work and make a lunch to go for me. He will go out and start my truck to let it warm up before I have to leave. He says I can come to his house anytime I want just to watch tv or catch up on sleep (because at my house it is hard to sleep with 3 kids running around). He will get me flowers, cards , chocolate... just because. He does so much for Chaz, BriJet, and Ainzley because he loves me and he loves them. I am truly blessed to have a man like Shawn and I pray I can continue to acknowledge all the good inside him and not focus on the bad.
I am truly blessed.
I have a wonderful nephew, Chaz, that loves me with his whole heart. Chaz is smart and handsome and a really great back rubber. I love learning about his day and all the knowledge he has absorbed. I don't always show him and I don't always appreciate him, but I love him dearly and I am truly blessed to have him as a nephew.
I am so amazed at BriJet, my first neice. She is so smart and gorgeous, she loves to sing and dance and dress as a princess. BriJet thinks she is a princess and should be treated as such, I love this about her. I love her little girly personality and the way she loves on me when she has not seen me in just a few hours. I am so blessed to have her in my life and I am excited to watch her grow and turn into a beautiful young china princess.
I have a beautiful baby girl, Ainzley, the youngest neice. I love the little words that come out of her mouth and the excitement she shows when she sees me. I love that she hugs me so tight and gives me the biggest kisses ever. She is such a copy cat and wants to do whatever sissie and Chaz get to do. I am so blessed to be able to watch her grow and learn and turn into a gorgeous china princess.
I am very blessed to have a twin sister that takes such good care of me. I love Michelle to pieces, she does so much for me on a daily basis, I love that I can be such a huge part of her life. I love to watch her grow as a mommy and a wife and I learn so much from her. I am truly blessed to have someone so close to chat anytime I need (well with little voices thrown in there also).
I am blessed to have a BIL, Wen, that loves having me live in his house and never complains one bit that I am here. He is a wonderful man and a good daddy. Ainzley loves her daddy and cannot wait to him most days, which I love. I love living here with the whole SUN clan and wouldn't change one part of my life.
I am truly blessed where I am and with the little family I have here in this house. I pray I can always appreciate the little miracles I see in these kids on a daily basis.
Then I meet Shawn and everything just keeps getting better. I love Shawn a ton and although we have our times of trial I pray I always remember the things I love most about him. Shawn is an amazing man that has a wonderful heart. He loves kids and cannot wait to be the most hands on daddy ever. He loves the LORD with all his heart and he loves me that much too!
I love him because he does so much for me. He will give me a full body massage, even if I only ask for a back rub. He will cook dinner for me or go get it if I am hungry. He will get up extra early just to wake me for work and make a lunch to go for me. He will go out and start my truck to let it warm up before I have to leave. He says I can come to his house anytime I want just to watch tv or catch up on sleep (because at my house it is hard to sleep with 3 kids running around). He will get me flowers, cards , chocolate... just because. He does so much for Chaz, BriJet, and Ainzley because he loves me and he loves them. I am truly blessed to have a man like Shawn and I pray I can continue to acknowledge all the good inside him and not focus on the bad.
I am truly blessed.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Slowly Suffocating to Death
There is no air left to breath. My lungs are empty and nothing left to fill them up. I can't breath, I can't feel, I can't see, I can't hear. There is nowhere for me to go. I try hard to gasp at anything I can to feel that nice air in through my nose and ... Nothing. There is nothing. I am soffocating and the one responsible has not a clue. How do I tell him, I can't feel my fingers to grasp at him, I can't yell or scream at him to stop. I'm slowly fading and he doesn't see me. I long for him to realize and give me that one breath I need to slowly start the process of renewing my lungs...
I cannot do a thing without someone looking over my shoulder and questioning me about it. I cannot breath, talk, walk, eat, shower.... nothing without someone there to watch over me. Okay so maybe I am being a little over dramatic, but I feel as if I am constantly being watched "just in case I decide to cheat" or "just in case I am holding on to the past".
I really have nothing to hide. I wanna be open with everything. I want him to trust me. But does he have to log into everything I do online and read over it? Does he have to read every email between me and my friends (the few that I have)? Does he have to know everything I did inside the hour since he last talked with me? Does he have to know every detail of a conversation I had? Is it mandatory that he stand over me like a drill sergant when I check my emails and such?
If I tell him to please back off a bit, wow I have something to hide and Im holding on to my past and Im gonna cheat on him. If he reads this blog, wow not I tell everyone but him and he is sad. What do I do? Do I tell him to please slow it down? Do i change passwords and let him figure it out?
I want to be alittle more free and trusted. I feel as though he trusts me as far as he can throw me. Why must I pay for my past sins again and again. Why must I pay for his past. I have never cheated on him, nor have I ever given him a reason to distrust me. I just wanna be free and trusted and relaxed and have some me time. Have some friend time. Some email messages private to girlfriends.
I wanna take a shower by myself. I wanna pee in the shower. Yes I said I wanna pee in the shower. I wanna put shampoo in my hair and lather it real good and THEN brush my teeth, rinse it all out and THEN put conditioner in my hair and THEN and only THEN do I want to wash my body with soap, THEN I can rinse everything off and stand in there alittle longer just to enjoy the hot water before getting out into the cold.
I want to breath. I want to figure out a way to breath on my own without his help and still have him. He is amazing, I mean get up early to make me a lunch, always sleeping on the couch when I sleep over so I can have the bed, cook me dinner, pick me and take me to and from work, getting me a card and some chocolates for no reason at all except he wanted to, a backrub anytime I want, does anything for me family.... the list goes on. There are so many wonderful qualities... I love this man to pieces please just let me breath on my own
I cannot do a thing without someone looking over my shoulder and questioning me about it. I cannot breath, talk, walk, eat, shower.... nothing without someone there to watch over me. Okay so maybe I am being a little over dramatic, but I feel as if I am constantly being watched "just in case I decide to cheat" or "just in case I am holding on to the past".
I really have nothing to hide. I wanna be open with everything. I want him to trust me. But does he have to log into everything I do online and read over it? Does he have to read every email between me and my friends (the few that I have)? Does he have to know everything I did inside the hour since he last talked with me? Does he have to know every detail of a conversation I had? Is it mandatory that he stand over me like a drill sergant when I check my emails and such?
If I tell him to please back off a bit, wow I have something to hide and Im holding on to my past and Im gonna cheat on him. If he reads this blog, wow not I tell everyone but him and he is sad. What do I do? Do I tell him to please slow it down? Do i change passwords and let him figure it out?
I want to be alittle more free and trusted. I feel as though he trusts me as far as he can throw me. Why must I pay for my past sins again and again. Why must I pay for his past. I have never cheated on him, nor have I ever given him a reason to distrust me. I just wanna be free and trusted and relaxed and have some me time. Have some friend time. Some email messages private to girlfriends.
I wanna take a shower by myself. I wanna pee in the shower. Yes I said I wanna pee in the shower. I wanna put shampoo in my hair and lather it real good and THEN brush my teeth, rinse it all out and THEN put conditioner in my hair and THEN and only THEN do I want to wash my body with soap, THEN I can rinse everything off and stand in there alittle longer just to enjoy the hot water before getting out into the cold.
I want to breath. I want to figure out a way to breath on my own without his help and still have him. He is amazing, I mean get up early to make me a lunch, always sleeping on the couch when I sleep over so I can have the bed, cook me dinner, pick me and take me to and from work, getting me a card and some chocolates for no reason at all except he wanted to, a backrub anytime I want, does anything for me family.... the list goes on. There are so many wonderful qualities... I love this man to pieces please just let me breath on my own
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The New Year!! and more :(
Well the new year is here and gone and it just does not seem that we switched years yet again. I had an okay new years eve, my fiance and I were supposed to attend a party and ended up just staying at his house because he didn't want to be around people. It didn't help that we had just had a fight an hour before the party was to begin.
Man this being engaged is hard stuff. Since that darn ring was put on my finger we have done nothing but argue and fight. He tells me all the time "well do you want this to be over, wanna break up"??? No you idiot I just want to be and let be. Que sera sera. I think is how it goes. I want to be in a relationship without jealousy, without vengence, without arguing, without fighting, without almost breakup talks, without stress.... But no there has to be jealous because he is jealous, there has to be vengence because he has to make everything fair, there has to be long talks and fights and arguments because he has to discuss how he is right and I believe wrong.
UGH!!!! So frustrating!! I am really starting to rethink this marriage thing. I asked him if we could just push the wedding date back to December so I had more time to pay off stuff and save up for the wedding, he wants to get married quick so we can have the honeymoon night... Who cares if we can do that or not, I want to have a memorable wedding and I want to be out of debt before that.
Well my new years blog went totally off track here. Yikes sorry!! All this frustration and nowhere to go with it.
I hope 2009 turns out to be way better than 2008 and even better than 2007. I guess I can only pray and see where this new turn takes me. Hopefully it will head me in the direction of school, maybe to be a preacher or a nurse or an electrician... You never know.
Man this being engaged is hard stuff. Since that darn ring was put on my finger we have done nothing but argue and fight. He tells me all the time "well do you want this to be over, wanna break up"??? No you idiot I just want to be and let be. Que sera sera. I think is how it goes. I want to be in a relationship without jealousy, without vengence, without arguing, without fighting, without almost breakup talks, without stress.... But no there has to be jealous because he is jealous, there has to be vengence because he has to make everything fair, there has to be long talks and fights and arguments because he has to discuss how he is right and I believe wrong.
UGH!!!! So frustrating!! I am really starting to rethink this marriage thing. I asked him if we could just push the wedding date back to December so I had more time to pay off stuff and save up for the wedding, he wants to get married quick so we can have the honeymoon night... Who cares if we can do that or not, I want to have a memorable wedding and I want to be out of debt before that.
Well my new years blog went totally off track here. Yikes sorry!! All this frustration and nowhere to go with it.
I hope 2009 turns out to be way better than 2008 and even better than 2007. I guess I can only pray and see where this new turn takes me. Hopefully it will head me in the direction of school, maybe to be a preacher or a nurse or an electrician... You never know.
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