Fireman John Glaser

A father, a son, a husband, a friend, and a fireman. This man woke up one day kissed his wife goodbye and went off to a normal day at work. He worked his normal shift that day, went on medical calls and fires, joked with his coworkers, maybe called his family once or twice. John went about his day like any other day, the only difference is he did not make it home. John died in a house fire before he could make it to bed that night.

Imagine seeing that fire cheif show up at your door on a day you know your husband is at work. Imagine being told your husband won't be coming home the next morning. Imagine telling your two beautiful children that daddy would no longer read them a bed time story or give them a piggy back ride.

Imagine sitting down to dinner and talking out the days events with your coworkers, dealing with some of the tough calls from the day. Hearing the bells go off as dinner is just filling up your tummy. Running out to the fire engine to run yet another fire, you've fought so many fires by now that you each know exactly what to do. Imagine being in a smokey house that you have never been inside and you cant seem to get the hose to go where you need it to go. Your partner leaves for just a minuter to untangle and get the water going on the hot stuff. Imagine being alone and scared and working hard with a full tummy. Imagine .

Your firemen find you and rush you to the er. The doctors can save the firemen, right? They can undo the smoke inhalation. They can undo the carbon Monoxide in your system. With enough wishing and hoping and praying they can bring him back. Imagine loosing a friend to a stupid reason, to such a nonsense thing that should have never happened. Never leave a brother. Never take it off. Imagine.

Imagine going back to the fire house and seeing all those plates on the table and not enough men to eat from them. Imagine going to sleep in the bunk room and seeing his empty bed, knowing he would never sleep in that bed again. Imagine you brother, your friend, your coworker, never coming to work a shift with you again.

Imagine seeing those beautiful children and not having an answer why you survived and their father did not. Imagine going home and being able to see your wife and kids and in the back of your mind you know John's wife is still explaining to their children that daddy is with GOD in heaven. Imagine explaining faith and love to these children. To a young person there is no reasoning, there is just daddy was here now he is not. How do you keep them believing? What do you tell those children that expect GOD to keep them safe and their family safe?

There are funds all over that allow you to give to this greiving family. There are so many ways to give to this family and to help them out. Just search his name, go to any Shawnee firestation and say you want to give to John Glaser's family.

Struggle

I continue to struggle with being married and living a good distance from family. I continue to struggle with friends that are not there (is there something wrong with me? do i not know how to be a friend). I continue to struggle with working nights and working so many hours of my life away. I continue to struggle with keeping my house perfectly clean and organized. I continue to struggle with accepting my husband for who he is. I continue to struggle.

BUT....
As I read a little of Derek and Shea Poe's blog I realized I have it easy. They were married and ran off to South Africa almost immediately. They wanted to make a difference and help out the families there that had nothing. They are miles away from family and friends and a world that they were comfortable in. They can only talk on the phone or internet with their loved ones.

I would love to have the courage to go a world away and help out people in need. I would love to have the life of these two young adventure GOD loving people. I cannot even be an hour away from my sister and her kids.

My point here is that I want so much to be somewhere and someone else. But I am so very blessed to be where I am and have what I have. I have a great paying job, a wonderful family, shoes on my feet (a few pairs ), clothes on my back (a closet full), groceries in the kitchen, and a walmart a few blocks away if I run out (AND MONEY TO BUY THE FOOD ), we both ahve a vehicle to drive where we wanna go, I have an abundance of kisses and hugs when I see the babies, a hubby to snuggle with, a church that wants to feed me, and a GOD that loves me more than I coule ever dream of.

I AM BLESSED.

now if only i could remind myself of this every day and stop with the crying and sadness

Snapshot Sunday ~ Spinning Ainzley

I found Snapshot Sunday through my sister, Tina Michelle, over at My Life As It Is.

This is my beautiful niece, Ainzley.
Ainzley LOVES to spin.

Her criteria for picking out clothing is always, "Something that spins!"

She also has to fix her hair!

Oh how blessed I am to have my sweet little Ainzley!

Life Changing...

I am ...

LOST

CONFUSED

SAD

LONELY

UNLOVED

UNWANTED

UNHAPPY

WONDERING WHERE MY LIFE IS REALLY GOING....

HURT

ANGRY

MISSING MY BABIES

JUST PLAIN UNHAPPY AND LONELY

I have it wrong

I am supposed to be the Christian here.... my sister is the lost and confused one and yet she has it so on the dot and correct and I, well, Im not really sure what is wrong with me.

She is grateful for all that she has even though so many things go wrong for her... I complain when the smallest things are wrong and most things go right for me. She appreciates and loves her husband unconditionally... and I seeth with anger towards him when he does one small thing. She can see that Christmas needs to be about something other than presents, she doesn't believe in GOD but still sees the need to make Christmas about family and love... I believe Christmas is about celebrating Jesus and love and family but I also think presents are a huge part of it.

I have so much to learn from her... not only what NOT to o with my kids but also how to love unconditionally... it is amazing that she does not know Jesus yet knows how to love like him (if only she could have that for her father and step mother).

I am sad that I have this nice place to live in (big enough for both of us and our carp plus extra space for guests) and yet I complain that I live too far away. I am sad that we dont have everything we want, yet both of us work full time making more money than anyone Iknow. Both of us are willing to work all the overtime we can (which is very easy to get where we work). We are able to pay all our bills, get the things we need, and even get some things we dont need. My husband loves me very much and tries his hardest to show me, he has his own way of showing me that doesnt always go with how I think he should.

So im gonna try harder this year. Im gonna try to see the good in everything... I wanna enjoy my husband instead of get angry with him when he does something different. I want to enjoy my life and my husband and my family.

Cry

I cry and I cry and I cry and I have no idea why. Alone in my truck all the way home or to familys house I cry. At home alone while cooking dinner I cry. I get teary eyed at work and have to stop myself from crying, I wanna cry almost all the time.

Is married life or life changing supposed to make me so sad. Am I really sad because I am married, or because I just moved out of my comfort zone, or because I am 26 and still working just to pay bills. Am I sad that I have no life except work, am I sad that I am not in school or working towards a goal. Am I sad that I sleep with a man instead of cuddling with my precious princesses everynight.

Maybe this huge life change is taking its toll on me.. maybe I am finally realizing just how much of a loser I am. Maybe I am missing my princesses too much. Maybe I am realizing that to my family (well some members) I am a nobody that deserves no love or attention.

I guess I just dont know why I cry all the time but it feels so good to cry. It feels good to let it all out and be alone. I wish I knew why though.

Marriage

WOW!!! In less than one month I will be Mrs. Shawn Bullock... I am nervous, excited, scared, happy, sad, emotional, and so many other feelings. I am nervous we wont get everything done and it wont turn out right. I am sad to leave my sissies house and lose the story bedtimes and whenever shopping trips. I am happy to be married and actually live with my husband and have a place of my own. Believe it or not I cannot wait to set up the bills and the checking and savings accounts... hopefully he will let me set it up and then give me his input (its something I like to do). I also cannot wait to clean up everything and organze everything... He can set up the kitchen, the spare bathroom, and the office... but maybe he will let me do everything else.



I know silly to think I am looking forward to the little things. I want to have little sleep overs with the girls and movie nights with the boy. Life will settle down and things will get a little easier... I have half my stuff at his house and half my stuff at my house and a ton of crap in my truck. Finally all my stuff will be in one place and I will be able to organize it all.

So less than one month for the wedding and we still have a few dollars to come up with and then the reception is just a few days past that and we still have some money to come up with for that. I hope we can make this all happen otherwise I will be sad.