Since I havent been on much lately I thought I would write about my summer. I have had a blast going to the pool and hanging out with the kiddos. I love spending the night at my sisters house and playing with the kids. We take them to the pool and paint our nails and my sissie and I even get some alone time late at night when all the kids are in bed.
I have been on vacation this past week and have really enjoyed it so far. It has been nice to just relax and be able to anything and everything. We had the kids over for a sleepover, went to the pool, dressed as a clown and did three shows, played at the pool, chalked on the sidewalk, layed out at the pool, read some books, spend some time at the pool, went to a nightclub for a friends bday party, hung out at the pool and just enjoyed husband wife time. Did I mention i got to go to the pool a lot?
I will post pics of the clown shows as soon as I get all the pics uploaded and from other clowns at the shows. We even made it on the Raymores website for our show at the day care center. I really enjoyed clowning for the first time.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Alisa Maier
What is going through her mind as she is in a place she does not know? How is she dealing with a stranger in control of her? What is her mother going through? Is she asking the man to take her home? What is he doing to her?
This 4 year old was taken from her front yard by a stranger. She has been missing for a little more than 24 hours now. Where could she be? Who has her? She was just playing outside with her older brother and some guy decided he wanted her.
This makes me wanna scream and cry at GOD. How does he sit there and let this happen? How can he let this guy keep this little girl and not bring her home to her mommy? How can he let her be hurt and hear her cry?
This little girl was taken from Louisianna Missouri, right next to the Missippi river. Could he have already dumped her in the river? What are his plans for her? Why did the neighbors let the dark car circle the neighborhood for hours before he took her?
Why did GOD allow this to happen? I know we have free will and he decided not to interfere, but I cant help to question this? GRRRR!!! This makes me wanna cry. I cant help but to think of Brijet and what she would do. I would die if this were my little girl or one of my neices. I can do nothing but continue to pray.
So I am hoping everyone is praying for this little girl to be brought home safe and sound.
This 4 year old was taken from her front yard by a stranger. She has been missing for a little more than 24 hours now. Where could she be? Who has her? She was just playing outside with her older brother and some guy decided he wanted her.
This makes me wanna scream and cry at GOD. How does he sit there and let this happen? How can he let this guy keep this little girl and not bring her home to her mommy? How can he let her be hurt and hear her cry?
This little girl was taken from Louisianna Missouri, right next to the Missippi river. Could he have already dumped her in the river? What are his plans for her? Why did the neighbors let the dark car circle the neighborhood for hours before he took her?
Why did GOD allow this to happen? I know we have free will and he decided not to interfere, but I cant help to question this? GRRRR!!! This makes me wanna cry. I cant help but to think of Brijet and what she would do. I would die if this were my little girl or one of my neices. I can do nothing but continue to pray.
So I am hoping everyone is praying for this little girl to be brought home safe and sound.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A Look Inside My OCD Head
I was driving to work last night and my brain was once again whirling like a tornado like it often does. I started to go into panic mode like normal and my breathing started to get faster and faster. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it would pop out of my chest. This is a normal thing for me. For whatever reason I have these "daymares" and I DONT like them.
I start to think about stupid things, like someone I love being in a car crash and the whole scenerio playing out in my head. I even cry like it is real. Or the whole scenerio plays out of me being raped and beaten, my heart beats really fast, I get really mad, I start breathing really fast and I can't make myself believe its not real. It really feels like it just happened before I started for work. I Have no idea why these thoughts happen and I feel that when they do I have to start praying. I have to pray that the one thing I was just thinking about wont happen to the one person that was in involved. I have to pray for all the loved ones I love and if I miss one then something will happen to them.
Sometimes I hate being in the car alone, it gives my brain time to create the tornado. I hate the tornado. It is always something. It is always horrible. It is always so REAL. Sometimes I think I get so caught up in the tornado in my head that I forget where I am. It is weird its like Im driving yet Im not really there.
ANyway there is a glimpse into my crazy whirlwind head.
I start to think about stupid things, like someone I love being in a car crash and the whole scenerio playing out in my head. I even cry like it is real. Or the whole scenerio plays out of me being raped and beaten, my heart beats really fast, I get really mad, I start breathing really fast and I can't make myself believe its not real. It really feels like it just happened before I started for work. I Have no idea why these thoughts happen and I feel that when they do I have to start praying. I have to pray that the one thing I was just thinking about wont happen to the one person that was in involved. I have to pray for all the loved ones I love and if I miss one then something will happen to them.
Sometimes I hate being in the car alone, it gives my brain time to create the tornado. I hate the tornado. It is always something. It is always horrible. It is always so REAL. Sometimes I think I get so caught up in the tornado in my head that I forget where I am. It is weird its like Im driving yet Im not really there.
ANyway there is a glimpse into my crazy whirlwind head.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Fireman John Glaser
A father, a son, a husband, a friend, and a fireman. This man woke up one day kissed his wife goodbye and went off to a normal day at work. He worked his normal shift that day, went on medical calls and fires, joked with his coworkers, maybe called his family once or twice. John went about his day like any other day, the only difference is he did not make it home. John died in a house fire before he could make it to bed that night.
Imagine seeing that fire cheif show up at your door on a day you know your husband is at work. Imagine being told your husband won't be coming home the next morning. Imagine telling your two beautiful children that daddy would no longer read them a bed time story or give them a piggy back ride.
Imagine sitting down to dinner and talking out the days events with your coworkers, dealing with some of the tough calls from the day. Hearing the bells go off as dinner is just filling up your tummy. Running out to the fire engine to run yet another fire, you've fought so many fires by now that you each know exactly what to do. Imagine being in a smokey house that you have never been inside and you cant seem to get the hose to go where you need it to go. Your partner leaves for just a minuter to untangle and get the water going on the hot stuff. Imagine being alone and scared and working hard with a full tummy. Imagine .
Your firemen find you and rush you to the er. The doctors can save the firemen, right? They can undo the smoke inhalation. They can undo the carbon Monoxide in your system. With enough wishing and hoping and praying they can bring him back. Imagine loosing a friend to a stupid reason, to such a nonsense thing that should have never happened. Never leave a brother. Never take it off. Imagine.
Imagine going back to the fire house and seeing all those plates on the table and not enough men to eat from them. Imagine going to sleep in the bunk room and seeing his empty bed, knowing he would never sleep in that bed again. Imagine you brother, your friend, your coworker, never coming to work a shift with you again.
Imagine seeing those beautiful children and not having an answer why you survived and their father did not. Imagine going home and being able to see your wife and kids and in the back of your mind you know John's wife is still explaining to their children that daddy is with GOD in heaven. Imagine explaining faith and love to these children. To a young person there is no reasoning, there is just daddy was here now he is not. How do you keep them believing? What do you tell those children that expect GOD to keep them safe and their family safe?
There are funds all over that allow you to give to this greiving family. There are so many ways to give to this family and to help them out. Just search his name, go to any Shawnee firestation and say you want to give to John Glaser's family.
Imagine seeing that fire cheif show up at your door on a day you know your husband is at work. Imagine being told your husband won't be coming home the next morning. Imagine telling your two beautiful children that daddy would no longer read them a bed time story or give them a piggy back ride.
Imagine sitting down to dinner and talking out the days events with your coworkers, dealing with some of the tough calls from the day. Hearing the bells go off as dinner is just filling up your tummy. Running out to the fire engine to run yet another fire, you've fought so many fires by now that you each know exactly what to do. Imagine being in a smokey house that you have never been inside and you cant seem to get the hose to go where you need it to go. Your partner leaves for just a minuter to untangle and get the water going on the hot stuff. Imagine being alone and scared and working hard with a full tummy. Imagine .
Your firemen find you and rush you to the er. The doctors can save the firemen, right? They can undo the smoke inhalation. They can undo the carbon Monoxide in your system. With enough wishing and hoping and praying they can bring him back. Imagine loosing a friend to a stupid reason, to such a nonsense thing that should have never happened. Never leave a brother. Never take it off. Imagine.
Imagine going back to the fire house and seeing all those plates on the table and not enough men to eat from them. Imagine going to sleep in the bunk room and seeing his empty bed, knowing he would never sleep in that bed again. Imagine you brother, your friend, your coworker, never coming to work a shift with you again.
Imagine seeing those beautiful children and not having an answer why you survived and their father did not. Imagine going home and being able to see your wife and kids and in the back of your mind you know John's wife is still explaining to their children that daddy is with GOD in heaven. Imagine explaining faith and love to these children. To a young person there is no reasoning, there is just daddy was here now he is not. How do you keep them believing? What do you tell those children that expect GOD to keep them safe and their family safe?
There are funds all over that allow you to give to this greiving family. There are so many ways to give to this family and to help them out. Just search his name, go to any Shawnee firestation and say you want to give to John Glaser's family.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Struggle
I continue to struggle with being married and living a good distance from family. I continue to struggle with friends that are not there (is there something wrong with me? do i not know how to be a friend). I continue to struggle with working nights and working so many hours of my life away. I continue to struggle with keeping my house perfectly clean and organized. I continue to struggle with accepting my husband for who he is. I continue to struggle.
BUT....
As I read a little of Derek and Shea Poe's blog I realized I have it easy. They were married and ran off to South Africa almost immediately. They wanted to make a difference and help out the families there that had nothing. They are miles away from family and friends and a world that they were comfortable in. They can only talk on the phone or internet with their loved ones.
I would love to have the courage to go a world away and help out people in need. I would love to have the life of these two young adventure GOD loving people. I cannot even be an hour away from my sister and her kids.
My point here is that I want so much to be somewhere and someone else. But I am so very blessed to be where I am and have what I have. I have a great paying job, a wonderful family, shoes on my feet (a few pairs ), clothes on my back (a closet full), groceries in the kitchen, and a walmart a few blocks away if I run out (AND MONEY TO BUY THE FOOD ), we both ahve a vehicle to drive where we wanna go, I have an abundance of kisses and hugs when I see the babies, a hubby to snuggle with, a church that wants to feed me, and a GOD that loves me more than I coule ever dream of.
I AM BLESSED.
now if only i could remind myself of this every day and stop with the crying and sadness
BUT....
As I read a little of Derek and Shea Poe's blog I realized I have it easy. They were married and ran off to South Africa almost immediately. They wanted to make a difference and help out the families there that had nothing. They are miles away from family and friends and a world that they were comfortable in. They can only talk on the phone or internet with their loved ones.
I would love to have the courage to go a world away and help out people in need. I would love to have the life of these two young adventure GOD loving people. I cannot even be an hour away from my sister and her kids.
My point here is that I want so much to be somewhere and someone else. But I am so very blessed to be where I am and have what I have. I have a great paying job, a wonderful family, shoes on my feet (a few pairs ), clothes on my back (a closet full), groceries in the kitchen, and a walmart a few blocks away if I run out (AND MONEY TO BUY THE FOOD ), we both ahve a vehicle to drive where we wanna go, I have an abundance of kisses and hugs when I see the babies, a hubby to snuggle with, a church that wants to feed me, and a GOD that loves me more than I coule ever dream of.
I AM BLESSED.
now if only i could remind myself of this every day and stop with the crying and sadness
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Snapshot Sunday ~ Spinning Ainzley
I found Snapshot Sunday through my sister, Tina Michelle, over at My Life As It Is.
This is my beautiful niece, Ainzley.
Ainzley LOVES to spin. 
Her criteria for picking out clothing is always, "Something that spins!"
She also has to fix her hair!
Oh how blessed I am to have my sweet little Ainzley!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Life Changing...
I am ...
LOST
CONFUSED
SAD
LONELY
UNLOVED
UNWANTED
UNHAPPY
WONDERING WHERE MY LIFE IS REALLY GOING....
HURT
ANGRY
MISSING MY BABIES
JUST PLAIN UNHAPPY AND LONELY
LOST
CONFUSED
SAD
LONELY
UNLOVED
UNWANTED
UNHAPPY
WONDERING WHERE MY LIFE IS REALLY GOING....
HURT
ANGRY
MISSING MY BABIES
JUST PLAIN UNHAPPY AND LONELY
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)