Happy 3 months Micah Cree:)

3 months ago I was in the hospital trying to get you to come out and finally meet me (a week after your due date). In the end you decided it was all too stressful and you made the doctors come in after you. It was a stressful couple of days in the hospital trying to get you to eat my milkies and keep your weight up but we went home a happy little family.

Daddy drove in the right lane only because you were on the right side and he decided less than the speed limit was good enough. We got you home and picked you up out of your carseat and wondered what we should do with you next. For the rest of the night and most of the following week we layed you on the boppy and stared at you for hours. We just couldn't believe after 9 months you were finally here in our arms.

You were so tiny and needed so much of mommy and daddy. All we did was snuggle you and look at you. It took a while, but we got on a semi schedule and daddy went back to work and you just got bigger and stayed awake longer.

Now you are a chubmister. You have gained so much weight (which is no shock since you still eat like a newborn) and you grow an inch a day (okay maybe not a whole inch). Your face is fuller and your thighs are chunky and you smile so much now. Mommy loves to hear your giggle (which you do when you realize mommy is cleaning up your stinky).

I cannot believe you are so big and growing so fast. I love you so much and as much as I want you to stay small and my baby forever I am also looking forward to seeing you crawl, talk, walk and eat big boy food.

I love you!
Mommy

Frustrated

Frustrated

Sad

and Lonely

At the moment.

Want more friends.

Tired of working on all the days something is going on that we could go to as a family.

Tired of just going from day to day.

Want way more for Micah. I want him to have friends to play with and to know people.

Can't figure out what's wrong with us that noone wants to talk to us or hang out with us.

Frustrated with life.

Little man went swimming

I decided to take Micah swimming for the first time and invited lots of family. He didn't see, to mind the water at all and as long as someone was holding him or mommy was feeding him he was perfectly ok.

Of course Auntie Em got some self portraits of her with him and cousin Lori had to snuggle him for a bit. It was hot feeding him under that cover up but it sure did take a cute picture.

I hold him tighter

I have been reading these blogs about mammas that lost their little ones to SIDS and cancer and other uncontrollable things. I cry and cry for these poor mammas. I want so bad to go and give them hugs and hold them tight or bring their babies back. Its not fair or right to bury your child ever.

Usually Micah wants me to snuggle him all day and when I put him down he cries for me to pick him up again. Sometimes I think I just want to get up and clean or cook or organize and then I remember how some moms have lost their little ones and they wish and pray they could just go back to snugglin their littls ones again. SO I sit on the couch and find something interesting on tv and I snuggle Micah. I snuggle him for hours sometimes. One day he might not be here for me to snuggle and what will I have? No memories and a clean organized house.

So for those of you that have a little one, snuggle them. Snuggle them and let the dishes sit there. Snuggle them and let the laundry pile up. Snuggle them and munch on something small instead of trying to cook a big meal. I always manage to get everything done in time, the dishes and laundry might sit for a few days and the carpets might really need a vacuum but my baby is snuggled to his hearts content and mamma get those precious memories and feelings.

I wish I could help those moms that have lost a child. I wish I could bring back their babies. I wish I could explain why babies go to Heaven so early. I wish I could explain how GOD plays a role in all of this, but I can't . All I can do is read their heartfelt blogs and try to figure out how much pain they really are in. I can learn to snuggle Micah and let my OCD go.

I have realized, just in the last few months, that sometimes good things come out of bad things. Those moms have experienced the worst possible thing in the world and yet they continue to go on and let the world know about their babies. I pray for those moms and I learn from them.

Micah is growing

Micah is a little over a month now and Im enjoying watching him grow. I can feel him getting bigger and you can see his face getting fuller. We spend most days inside snuggling and hanging out but today daddy went for a walk with us and we had fun. He laid there and just enjoyed riding in his stroller.

I enjoy watching my little man snuggle with his daddy and I enjoy his daddy wanting to snuggle. I think it is great that Shawn will come home from work and take him to hang out with him so I can sleep.

Micah is starting to hold his head up and look at me. I love watching him grow and do more things but it is a reminder that he will grow fast and be going off to college.

Pictures are coming up and Im excited to see what we can do. I do not have many pictures printed since we live in the digital age now. I hope to print some of these from our photo shoot Tuesday .

Its about bedtime and mama is hoping to get more than an hour of sleep tonight.

Micah Cree Bullock is here

Micah was born via c section on 05.12.11. I was in labor about 8.5 hours when his heartrate got up between 180 and 200 so the doctor decided to do a csection because he would not have made it otherwise. I was a little sad my birth story did not go as planned but happy my little guy is healthy.

We have been home less than a week and we are really starting to get the hang of this parenting thing. It is a little frustrating at times especially with breastfeeding but we are learning. Daddy does great diaper changes and is really good at burping and mommy is great at snuggling and feeding.

I am really ready for visitors to come visit just so I can show him off but it really wears me out to have other people hold him. I feel comfortable with my mom and sister holding him but the thought of others touching him and holding him make me wanna throw up. I get real anxious.

Today shawns mom, Sandy, came over with her husband and they each held Micah. I was nervous and anxious the whole time they had him. I dont know why I am so anxious , I guess I just want my baby to be my baby and stay in my arms.

Life will get better and we will get into a routine as time goes by. For right now we are snuggling Micah all the time and getting used to him being here.

Overly pregnant and sad

I was due Friday and yet here i sit so pregnant i cant roll over in bed without using something or someone to get me started. I am ready to have this baby and get my body back.

My Papa passed away yesterday and I guess I'm still processing the whole thing. He was found in his apartment unresponsive and they rushed him to the hospital where he was found to have pneumonia. They started treatment and he began to show signs of improving, then he just died. I contemplated going to the hospital to visit him but as many times as I have been to KU I only knew where the ER entrance was for ambulances and wasn't sure I would be able to find my way around to park and go inside. I was afraid I would get all the way up there get lost and go into labor.

I knew I should have went to see him. The same thing happened to gma Lillian, Papa's wife, she spent about a week in the hospital. I told myself I would go see her tomorrow or the next day and then she died so suddenly. You would think I would get the hint and visit these people when they go to the hospital but I always have reasons not to go. When I don't go I get to regret it for the rest of my life.

I had a bad feeling Friday night. I couldn't sleep because I kept having a feeling that someone was going to die. I don't know why, maybe I it's just my OCD kicking in really bad again. I stayed up most of the night praying for my mom, neice, husband and our unborn baby. It never crossed my mind to pray for papa, he was doing much better and he was safe in the hospital. I wonder if I would have prayed for him would he still be alive? Would he have lived another day?

I am so glad we made a special trip to see grandma Schnepf, Shawn's grandma. She was the sweetest old lady ever and I loved going to visit her. We made it just in time as she passed away the day after we got home. I am sad to see that we have lost two great people in our lives and Micah will never know them. I wanted Micah to be able to meet his great grandparents and love on them and let him love on them.

The visitation is Tuesday for my Papa and here I sit 40 weeks and some days pregnant and have no idea when Micah will decide to come out. I want him out so I can hold him and love on him but if he stays in there a few more days I can go to my papa's visitation and funeral.

God is in charge of all and HE will decide how everything will work out in the end. I just need to relax and get some much needed rest while HE puts plans into action.