RN 1st week of Orientation

 I recently got hired on at a local hospital on the cardiac floor  and just completed my very first week of work.  It was definitely a long and emotional week for me.

 I was called for an interview, had the interview, offered the job,  and  started work within a two week  timeframe.   I had to get my physical done a few days before I started work and since my veins are really hard to get I thought I would drink a few bottles of water, but it ended up being too much and my urine came back diluted.  The hospital called and had me go retake my test but I couldn't P enough the first time so they had me sit out in the waiting room and drink a bunch of water and come back to test again.  I figured all was well so on Monday morning I went in for my first day of orientation.

shawn was able to come home from the station early to be with Micah so i could just get to work.  I managed to get to work very early so I was very relaxed and just went to the room and set up all my stuff and waited for everyone else to show up. I got to sign in and get a bunch of my paperwork filled out and I got my picture taken for my ID. I was there for about an hour and a half before the hiring manager came in and pulled me out and told me that my last urine from Friday morning was diluted again.  Per policy my job offer was to be terminated { although she would call around and see if there was anything that could be done}  and I needed to leave. 😭😭 I could have went back in the room and stayed until the next speaker came so I wouldn't make such an exit.

I was shocked. I was heart broken. I couldn't believe it.

I went to the bathroom and cried while I tried texting my husband, mom, & sister. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening. There is no way GOD would really let me get this far and let me down.

I went back into the room and tried to stay while I quietly packed up my stuff { I wanted no attention on me} but eventually the tears were coming out again so I just snatched up the rest of my stuff and basically ran to my car. I called my mom on the way home and just cried into the phone. I tried calling my husband but he wasn't answering the phone so when I showed up at home he had no idea why I was home.  He seemed really confused and didn't really say or do much. I just dropped all my stuff and cried into my can of Dr Pepper.

Eventually my phone rang with some semi good news. It was my hiring manager calling to tell me that she managed to get me one more urine test but that it had to come back testable, {I had to pee and was about to go right before she called} so I ran to my car and drove straight up to the testing center.

I came back home and called her to let her know I got it done and she just said to hang out and wait  until the results came back. LONGEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!! I had cried myself into a migraine so I just took some meds and went to bed. I woke up long enough to have dinner with Micah and play with him a little before convincing him to go back to bed with me. The next morning Micah woke up at like 6am so I had to wait a long time before I could call and check on my results.

I finally heard from the hospital around 930am and  they said my urine test came back fine and that I could come back to orientation. I'm so excited I hung up the phone and screamed, Shawn and Micah came and gave me a giant hug.  I needed to shower and get dressed and be there by noon.

GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF. Quickly followed by fear and embarrassment. How was I going to walk back into orientation with all the same people ?

 I made it back by noon on Tuesday and sat in the room and ate my lunch that I brought and then we started the RN orientation.  I felt a little lost but everyone was very helpful. We learned how to clock in and we went over some policies and skills. It was a pretty relaxed afternoon of sitting in a classroom setting.

Wednesday was Shawn's day to work so we all had to get up extra early and leave the house.  I dropped Micah off with the baby sitter for the first time, which was difficult even though he was super excited to go to Mrs. Rachel's house, and headed to work. We had computer training for the first half of the day and more training on hospital equipment and policies. Another relaxed easy day. When I got to Rachel's house to get Micah he met me with the greatest excitement about his day and his plans to stay a few more hours to play with Legos, HAHA! I managed to do some grocery shopping, go home and cook dinner, wash the bedding { since Micah wet the bed the night before}, fix lunches for Thursday, get us fed and in bed at a normal time. It felt like a really great day.

Since daddy doesn't get to leave the fire station until 7am I had to take Micah to Rachel's house for a few hours { just until daddy could get there}. I got to the hospital area way too early so I ran over to Panera and grabbed one of their baskets of bagels and as I was coming back to the hospital I realized there were police cars everywhere blocking off streets and parking lots. Thankfully I was in the computer training building which was right off the main road so I could park and head inside. I quickly learned that there was an active shooter situation in the apartments right behind the hospital and that there may have been shots fired at the hospital so our hospital had to go into lockdown.  NEVER have I ever been in a situation like this so I was a little nervous and really didn't know what we were supposed to do.  We ended up leaving our room open for the rest of the class but someone came by and told us to shut it. I am not sure if our  building ever got locked. We looked up the news on the computer and just watched as updates came in between our training. It turns out a couple were shooting { what appeared to be} at the construction workers working on the hospital and this is what started the entire situation.  The couple were arrested and our day went on as normal. Half a day of computer training and then some policy and procedure type training and I was free go home.

Friday we spent the day in the hospital SIM lab, yup we get a SIM lab that I am able to use if I need training on something, the hospital uses it for training in different situations also.  We had a pretty relaxed day going over some more equipment and procedures and then we were able to tear apart a crash cart and just familiarize ourselves with it.

It was a long and emotional week.  Taking Micah to the babysitters was tough because he keeps asking if I am going to my different home now. { daddy works 24 hours so he sleeps at his job when he works, Micah is convinced he had another home and will randomly ask if daddy is "spending the night with us". So now Micah is thinking since daddy is gone for that long then surely mommy is too because that's how jobs work right}.  I'm trying hard to just stay positive because he really LOVES going to Mrs. Rachel's house and playing with her kids and pets and toys, but it's tough because I just want to stay home and snuggle him forever.  I do explain everything To him often. I tell him what will happen before each day so he is aware.

The days he will have to be somewhere for my 12 hour shifts will be so tough on everyone involved but I'm hoping I can always leave him with loved ones or Mrs. Rachel so it isn't so bad on him.

Excuse my spelling and grammar errors. I typed this whole blog on my phone in between parenting and working and getting house chores done!!

I am a NURSE

I recently graduated and passed board!!!

I am a NURSE!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that all my hard work has finally paid off. I am officially a NURSE!

It has been a long two years with lots of tears and sweat but I finally made it. I am excited to put my skills to work and continue my education. I am hoping to have my Masters within the next ten years, but as we all know life has lots of ups and downs and I will just have to follow the road put in front of me and work my way there.

I know everyone is proud of me, especially my mom. I came from two parents who were high school drop outs and I am the only child to have a college degree {actually I somehow managed to get TWO college degrees during this long process}.

Going through nursing school with a young toddler was a major struggle that included many sleepless nights and lots of separation anxiety but somehow we both managed to come out okay.

So here is to the future!

Jenn RN

One Month Trial

No gluten {wheat, barley or rye}
No dairy
No nuts
No red grapes
No milk chocolate

I have been having some GI problems and headaches so after a few doctor visits, a colonoscopy and some chiropractic care we have come to the conclusion that I should eliminate some foods to try and help the problem. I do not like taking medication, not even birth control. I just think there are better ways to deal with problems then mask the problem with medication.

Today is day one and it is only morning. Looking through my cabinets and fridge makes me realize I was not quite ready for this adventure and coming up with breakfast was not fun.  I ended up chooses fried eggs with no bread, gosh I missed the bread {honestly I haven't had bread in like three weeks so I think I am really starting to miss it}. I am glad I am trying this over the summer to hopefully have some ideas of what I should keep out of my diet once school starts. And maybe I can come up with some great quick breakfast and lunch ideas for school.

I am hoping to keep a journal of all the food i eat over the month and how I react. I am hoping I won't have a headache at all this month:)

I wrote this after my father stood there and let my step mother yell at me and tell me awful things like she wished i would have died as a child or never been born so she wouldn't have to share my father, as I ran out of the house crying like a baby he runs after me and says sorry under his breath so that she wouldn't hear him. It sucks when a parent does not stand up for their children and let the step parents treat them any way they want.

I'm so tired of apologies on the side

She says what she wants and does what she will

And as I'm hurt walking away

You come and give me an apology on the side

Shes just in a bad mood you say

Her meds are changing and the mood is swinging

And your sorry she acts that way

You don't stand up and tell her calm down

You stand there and take it

And let her treat me to her liking

And all I get is an apology on the side

It's not fair for me to fight

For the father I desperately need

It's not fair that you don't care

And all you care to do is give

An apology on the side

Update

Wow!! It has been forever since i wrote here.

Micah is getting so big!!!  He is talking a ton more, trying to use the potty, and so energetic and playful. Micah will be three in one month! THREE!!  I cannot believe it, he is growing up so fast.

This past week we got to spend the day with his favorite cousins and he had a blast!!

oh how fun it is to play with the cousins and enjoy the nice weather 

Would You Say Something?

If your brother/father/uncle/cousin were involved in a sexual relationship with a minor would you say something? Would you say something to him to maybe convince him to stop? Would you say something to the girls parents? Would you say something to law enforcement? Would it matter if he were involved in law enforcement or a prominent person in public safety? Would it matter if the girl were over 16 or not? Would it matter if the girl had a history of promiscuity with men? Would you just treat the girl like it were her fault and not say a thing? Would it matter if he were married?

People think things like that just don't happen to me or in my family. No one I know or love could ever do something like that. I bet if you were to ask 5 of your friends if any of them have been sexually abused at least one (and possibly all of them) would say yes in some way or another and most would say it was a family member or someone close to the family.  Do you really know what your brother does when he leaves the house? Are you sure your uncle is simply just overly nice and just likes to "tickle" the girls that are at his house for the family gathering? Do you know what it feels like to not be worth it when a man takes advantage of you instead of just trying to help you? Are you aware of the impact sexual abuse has on a person? What about early sexual experience, how does that affect a person? How do you think these young girls learn how to be sexually active at such a young age?

Are your eyes open? Do you pay attention to the people around you, around your kids? Are you willing to put a stop to something that you see or just turn a blind eye? What if it isn't your kid? What if it's just your uncle? What if you just aren't sure? If it were your husband would you want to know?

If more people were to open their eyes and ask questions of anything semi suspicious more girls would be saved from the heartache of being taken advantage of and abused. It is painful to know that you are worth nothing but what your body can give. It is painful to know that in order for someone to help you grow and learn you have to give yourself to them. Don't let people you love feel this way.

Openly talk about sexual abuse to your children and nieces and nephews. Keep step siblings out of the same room, yes even if they are same sex because boys abuse boys also. Limit the alone time step parents have with your children. Pay attention to your child if they are all of a sudden unhappy to go near one person. Know what your teenage daughter is doing at all times!!! What men have taken a sudden interest in your daughter? Why are they interested in her? Does she spend a lot of time with him? Are his intentions good? Does grandpa want your daughter to come over and help him a lot alone? Is your daughter openly flirting with older men while she is underage? Why is this? Have you talked with her? Do you know what she does in her spare time away from you?

If you saw something suspicious would you say something?

Bestie

I was chatting with a friend the other day and somehow it got "Real". We aren't real close and in fact have never hung out outside of school and seeing each other around town, so it was a little strange that we ended up getting so real and sharing more personal events and fears. Not complaining, I was glad she was there to listen and talk with.

This got me thinking about who your friends are and if you have at least one person you can be totally "REAL" with. Can you go to the person you call "bestie" and tell them everything? Can you be completely honest and open with them telling them all the bad and good or can they only handle the good of your life?

I have a twin sister that I can be totally "REAL" with at all times. I can call her day or night and say "I'm frustrated and this is why", and she will talk me through it and help me deal. I can tell her I am frustrated with Micah not listening or the hubs isn't doing it my way or I just plain need to be on my own planet at the moment because I am DONE with people.  I can yell and scream at her and she will just listen, offer support and if needed offer solutions to whatever problem I am having. She knows she can tell me that her kids are up for sale today and know that I understand she is only frustrated with the non obedient children and they really aren't going anywhere. She knows she can come to me with hubby issues and I know she really does love him and want to be with him she is just frustrated in the moment and this time will pass. We can call each other with all the good news in the world and know that each will be happy and not jealous. We can trust each other with our kids and love spending the day together anywhere we are.

I believe I am the bestie I want to be with my sister and she is the bestie I need. Are you the bestie you want to be to your best friend? Do you have a bestie that you can go to with anything and everything? I think every girl needs a best friend.