Marriage

Im getting married in less than 100 days and excited as much as I am scared. I cannot wait to wake up to Shawn every morning and go to bed with him every night. I am excited to do dinner and breakfast together and just plan our days together, sitting at home or running errands. I am totally scared of combining our lives though. I mean once we are married there will be a ton of compromise and do it our way not just my way. YIKES!!!

I keep looking at these couples that have been married for a substantial amount of time and I look for certain things that have kept them together. The number one thing I see in the type of marriage I want is communication and the willingness to work through anything. Growing up I was taught that if it doesn't work your way just leave. Or if you want something better just go for it. I think he was taught something different but just as bad.

I want a marriage that will last a lifetime. I want a husband that will stand by me no matter what and that is willing to work through anything. I want a husband that desires to be a full hands on father, husband and house cleaner (willing to help with all the house chores). I want a husband that wants to love me all the time, even in times of trial. A husband to show me how much he loves me on an everyday basis.

When I look at other couples I see the ones that have struggled the most have the most love. I get so sick of people telling me "o we NEVER EVER EVER EVER fight ... we have the most perfect marriage EVER"! What marriage is really like this? What marriage really works where there is never a fight or arguement? It doesn't . Someone is not happy in that situation because one person is always giving too much and not receiving enough.

I think about the couple that almost sold their house before realizing that they were truly in love and wanted to work hard at it. Another couple that went off and on for years before realizing it was true love and they were meant to be married once they were married it took work and communication and respect for each to make it work. Another that has decided that through any discussion or arguemant they will always work through it together and never go to bed mad. These couples that I see realize that marriage is hard work and that they both must have a dedication to each other. I admire this, I admire the truth and honesty that I get from these people.

I love Shawn whole heartedly and cannot wait to marry him. I will keep looking to these married couples that have been there and done that for support and knowledge.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just need to scream and let out some frustration.

I need a girlfriend to talk to whenever I need an ear to listen to me. I need someone to talk about life with and help me when I am at my whits end.

Sometimes I feel like I cant go through this anymore.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH