Just a Little CDO!

Because I titled this blog "Just a Little OCD" I thought I'd share a little bit of that side of me.



I must take a shower in the certain order every time I shower. It is a routine that must happen when I shower or my day is messed up. I have no idea why except maybe it is a control thing.



I must check to make sure I locked my truck at least twice before I go inside somewhere, I also must check to make sure my truck is still there (where I parked it) sometimes several times before bed and while I am visiting people. I have this fear someone is going to rob me of my things that I go overbaord. I check to make sure I have my phone and wallet and like every 5 minutes because someone could steal it from my pocket with out me knowing. I dont even carry a purse out side of the house in fear it will be stolen or taken from me. I have had my purse stolen from me once and my car has been broken into and all of my cds have been taken. I have been robbed once at work and had family had a burgler/rapist come into her house.



I guess most of my cdo (if it is true ocd you have to alphabatize it LOL) comes from past experience and television. Im not gonna lie, if I see it on tv I think what if that happens to me.



I check to make sure the girls are breathing often throughout the night, especially if I am the only one home with them. I worry so bad to the point of throwing up when I am home with the kids by myself... because I think someone is gonna break into the house and steal them from me. When we go out with the kids I watch them closely and have problems letting the 9 year old walk about by himself.



My brain plays out the scenerios I am so afraid of and my heart starts to beat out of my chest I tell myself what I would do if this or that happened. I hate it. I picture people I love all the time dying in front of me, me having to go to a car crash or drowning of a loved one, or me taking the 911 call of my familys emergency.



My brain just plays all the bad things out all the way, I start crying really believing it to be true. It is horrible, I have had these daymares be so bad as a man taking Jet or Zbear out of my hands and not being able to stop him. I hate having these and want them to stop so bad. I tell myself to stop thinking, I pray in the middle of them, I tell myself it is not real... I think this is the worst thing that I have to deal with. This and I want to stay home alone with the kids and not get so sick with worry.



Anyway just a few things I struggle with.

THE NEED TO BE SPECIAL

I grew up with a twin sister, 3 little brothers and a family with 5 kids that always hung out with us. I never felt that I got my special time with mom or dad or that I was ever given any individual attention. I always wanted to have more special me time with my parents but that never happened. I was grouped with my twin sister and my moms friends' 5 kids. I was always told to go play with the other kids, go clean with the other kids, go eat with the other kids. In school I was always compared to my twin and grouped with other kids.

I think I now have issues. Still when I chat with my parents I get interrupted by cell phones, grandkids, other kids, tv, computer. I still cannot get that special attention I want. I think I need counseling. LOL

If I want to talk with my mom alone and tell her about my life and wedding I have to take her out to dinner without anyone else and I still have to compete with the cell phone.

If I want to chat with my daddy on my own I have to take him and his family out to dinner and compete with all of them. Then it is all about him forever. UGH!!!

Am I a baby or crazy or something. I just wanna be special. I want you to pay attention to me when I talk and make me feel important (Act like you care about me and my life and focus on me for a minute without interruptions)

I am going to try my hardest to always make my kids feel individually special. I want them to grow up knowing that they are unique and special in their own way. I want to have mother/daughter and mother/son dates and have father/daughter and father/son dates also.

I love my alone time with my neices and nephew. I love being able to snuggle with just one and let them know they are my special little one.

What is it with people?

You find someone hurt or injured or sick and you call 911. This is all fine and dandy, help out your local citizens. But really does it end there, call 911 - tell them the address. Thats it thats all you do, really ??

How about walking over and seeing if they are still alive, if maybe you can do anything to help. Why not give the dispatchers a little more info, like is he breathing?, is he conscious? Have you ever thought that maybe there is something you can do to help while the ambualnce is en route? There are things dispatchers can help you do to help out the pt while help is coming.

I think if you are going to help... then help, really really help. If you don't care to help than dont call. Don't bother trying to show that you are an upstanding citizen if you really do not care.

O and by the way if you are standing right next to someone at a car wreck and they are on the phone with 911 --- why are you calling too? I mean comon people. We need the person sitting next to the injured person or maybe have the injured person call. We don't need 10 different people calling, it really helps more to have the ONE person call that actually knows what is going and and that ONE person who can stay on the phone with us long enough to help the poor injured soul.

JUST RANTING AND RAVING.

Dont even get me started on nursing home nurses..... WOW!!!

We will just say that I will kill my self before I ever let someone put me in one of those homes