Just a Little CDO!

Because I titled this blog "Just a Little OCD" I thought I'd share a little bit of that side of me.



I must take a shower in the certain order every time I shower. It is a routine that must happen when I shower or my day is messed up. I have no idea why except maybe it is a control thing.



I must check to make sure I locked my truck at least twice before I go inside somewhere, I also must check to make sure my truck is still there (where I parked it) sometimes several times before bed and while I am visiting people. I have this fear someone is going to rob me of my things that I go overbaord. I check to make sure I have my phone and wallet and like every 5 minutes because someone could steal it from my pocket with out me knowing. I dont even carry a purse out side of the house in fear it will be stolen or taken from me. I have had my purse stolen from me once and my car has been broken into and all of my cds have been taken. I have been robbed once at work and had family had a burgler/rapist come into her house.



I guess most of my cdo (if it is true ocd you have to alphabatize it LOL) comes from past experience and television. Im not gonna lie, if I see it on tv I think what if that happens to me.



I check to make sure the girls are breathing often throughout the night, especially if I am the only one home with them. I worry so bad to the point of throwing up when I am home with the kids by myself... because I think someone is gonna break into the house and steal them from me. When we go out with the kids I watch them closely and have problems letting the 9 year old walk about by himself.



My brain plays out the scenerios I am so afraid of and my heart starts to beat out of my chest I tell myself what I would do if this or that happened. I hate it. I picture people I love all the time dying in front of me, me having to go to a car crash or drowning of a loved one, or me taking the 911 call of my familys emergency.



My brain just plays all the bad things out all the way, I start crying really believing it to be true. It is horrible, I have had these daymares be so bad as a man taking Jet or Zbear out of my hands and not being able to stop him. I hate having these and want them to stop so bad. I tell myself to stop thinking, I pray in the middle of them, I tell myself it is not real... I think this is the worst thing that I have to deal with. This and I want to stay home alone with the kids and not get so sick with worry.



Anyway just a few things I struggle with.