Micah Cree Bullock is here

Micah was born via c section on 05.12.11. I was in labor about 8.5 hours when his heartrate got up between 180 and 200 so the doctor decided to do a csection because he would not have made it otherwise. I was a little sad my birth story did not go as planned but happy my little guy is healthy.

We have been home less than a week and we are really starting to get the hang of this parenting thing. It is a little frustrating at times especially with breastfeeding but we are learning. Daddy does great diaper changes and is really good at burping and mommy is great at snuggling and feeding.

I am really ready for visitors to come visit just so I can show him off but it really wears me out to have other people hold him. I feel comfortable with my mom and sister holding him but the thought of others touching him and holding him make me wanna throw up. I get real anxious.

Today shawns mom, Sandy, came over with her husband and they each held Micah. I was nervous and anxious the whole time they had him. I dont know why I am so anxious , I guess I just want my baby to be my baby and stay in my arms.

Life will get better and we will get into a routine as time goes by. For right now we are snuggling Micah all the time and getting used to him being here.

Overly pregnant and sad

I was due Friday and yet here i sit so pregnant i cant roll over in bed without using something or someone to get me started. I am ready to have this baby and get my body back.

My Papa passed away yesterday and I guess I'm still processing the whole thing. He was found in his apartment unresponsive and they rushed him to the hospital where he was found to have pneumonia. They started treatment and he began to show signs of improving, then he just died. I contemplated going to the hospital to visit him but as many times as I have been to KU I only knew where the ER entrance was for ambulances and wasn't sure I would be able to find my way around to park and go inside. I was afraid I would get all the way up there get lost and go into labor.

I knew I should have went to see him. The same thing happened to gma Lillian, Papa's wife, she spent about a week in the hospital. I told myself I would go see her tomorrow or the next day and then she died so suddenly. You would think I would get the hint and visit these people when they go to the hospital but I always have reasons not to go. When I don't go I get to regret it for the rest of my life.

I had a bad feeling Friday night. I couldn't sleep because I kept having a feeling that someone was going to die. I don't know why, maybe I it's just my OCD kicking in really bad again. I stayed up most of the night praying for my mom, neice, husband and our unborn baby. It never crossed my mind to pray for papa, he was doing much better and he was safe in the hospital. I wonder if I would have prayed for him would he still be alive? Would he have lived another day?

I am so glad we made a special trip to see grandma Schnepf, Shawn's grandma. She was the sweetest old lady ever and I loved going to visit her. We made it just in time as she passed away the day after we got home. I am sad to see that we have lost two great people in our lives and Micah will never know them. I wanted Micah to be able to meet his great grandparents and love on them and let him love on them.

The visitation is Tuesday for my Papa and here I sit 40 weeks and some days pregnant and have no idea when Micah will decide to come out. I want him out so I can hold him and love on him but if he stays in there a few more days I can go to my papa's visitation and funeral.

God is in charge of all and HE will decide how everything will work out in the end. I just need to relax and get some much needed rest while HE puts plans into action.

40 weeks

I made it to 40 weeks and now Im really done being pregnant. I want to hold my baby boy and get my body back. This waiting game is too much for someone that is so in control all the time.

We have everything ready. The crib, the bassinet, the carseat, the hospital bag, the diapers, the wipes, the clothes. We are sooo ready to meet our little man.

He is doing so good. His heartbeat is right where they want it. His movement is great and he responds to us when we mess with the belly. I know he is healthy and safe inside but I just wanna hold him already .

I am a little nervous being a first time mommy though. I keep thinking what if I don't do it right or what if I forget him or what if..... I hate thinking this but I guess once he is here all my fears will be relieved and I will just know what to do.

So cmon Micah we are so ready to meet you !!!