Well Christmas went oh so not like I planned...
I woke up hours before present time and spent lots of alone time with the toilet. I got maybe a few hours of sleep before everyone woke to open presents. My plan was to shower and dress and look good for picture taking and help the girls open their gifts.
What really happened was me being so sick I sat across the room and took pictures when I could, handing the camera off to sweet fiance so I could go visit my new best friend. After hours of being so sick and trying to feel better with no relief, my guy took me to the clinic.
On Christmas Eve I would have thought nothing would be open, thank GOD walgreens was open. They said I have the flu, drink water and pedialite and rest. Also take this prescription all the way up to the North Oak store and get it filled for a gel to relieve the nausea in seconds.
Once again my plans get ruined, they are too busy to fill my prescription the way it was ordered, call the nurse from the other store, get a new form of the compund. (and noone wants to know what kind of medicine I had to take... YUCK
So I come home finally and sleep and sleep and sleep. My plans are ruined, I wanted so bad to see the kids enjoy their gifts, to play with the kids and their gifts. I wanted to actually get some family quality time with mom and dad and step mom and brothers and fiance and kids and sister... All I got was cuddle time and sleep time and a new best friend for the next couple days.
I was sick all day Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I managed to wake long enough to open presents Christmas day with fiance and then I slept off and on the rest of the day. I am not sure how many hours or days went by between the last thing I ate and the next thing I ate, but for once I was glad to be able to eat.
In the end I had a pretty good Christmas, it was my first Christmas to get presents from a guy I was with, my first Christmas to be engaged (first time ever being engaged). The kids were all happy with thier gifts, fiance was happy with his gifts. Brother managed to get a whole shopping trip out of me and walked away with 2 new outfits.
So there was my happy yet sad Christmas of 2008!!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
I need more Jesus!!
Do you ever notice that when you don't go to church or read the bible you start to fall? It gets harder the longer you are away from him, like you need him to keep you in line.
Well I fall more often than not when I do not attend church, when I do not open my bible. I hated being in classes this semester because I put down my bible and picked up my textbooks. I love learning about the bible and GOD and Jesus and I love hearing the sermons of my preacher and Shawns. I just get lost when I do not learn or hear the word.
I should know that he is always there and always watching and hearing. I should know that he knows my thoughts and actions before I do them. Yet I mess up, I wonder, I do the wrong thing. Does HE want us to open the bible and study everyday, does HE want us to attend church on a regular basis, does HE want us to study HIM and everything he is about? Is the lost and lonely feeling HIS way of saying "hey come back home, visit way more than you do".
So like I tell myself all the time I am going to pick up the bible more and try to attend church more often than watching the online version of it. I am going to try harder to study HIS word more and learn from him. I am going to try to open up to HIM more and find more friends to talk with and really lay out my struggles.
Well I fall more often than not when I do not attend church, when I do not open my bible. I hated being in classes this semester because I put down my bible and picked up my textbooks. I love learning about the bible and GOD and Jesus and I love hearing the sermons of my preacher and Shawns. I just get lost when I do not learn or hear the word.
I should know that he is always there and always watching and hearing. I should know that he knows my thoughts and actions before I do them. Yet I mess up, I wonder, I do the wrong thing. Does HE want us to open the bible and study everyday, does HE want us to attend church on a regular basis, does HE want us to study HIM and everything he is about? Is the lost and lonely feeling HIS way of saying "hey come back home, visit way more than you do".
So like I tell myself all the time I am going to pick up the bible more and try to attend church more often than watching the online version of it. I am going to try harder to study HIS word more and learn from him. I am going to try to open up to HIM more and find more friends to talk with and really lay out my struggles.
Engagement!! :) Yay :(
I am at home with a hurt back, wearing old sweats and a hoodie. I only leave the house to go to the doctor. I can't walk or sit for long at all, and laying down starts to hurt after a while. The muscle relaxers barely take the edge off, and I do not have any more pain killers at all.
Dad calls me and says that he wants to take me for a ride, to throw on some clothes he will be here within minutes. I am confused but put some tennis shoes on and grab a coat. I walk out give dad a hug and he asks if I really love Shawn. I tell him yes and I am very confused. He then makes sure I have a picture phone. I am so confused. I get into the van, very uncomfortable due to my back, and we start heading down the road. Dad tells me that him and Shawn had lunch earlier and that I was going to get a proposal from him. I was shocked, I couldn't believe he was off work and wanted to ask me. TODAY of all days. I was a total mess my back hurt so bad and I still had to study for finals.
We get to the place and dad walks me to the gazebo as Shawn walks along with us. Shawn takes me by the hand and says a few words, then pulls out the ring and gets down on one knee. He asks I say yes and we get into the car, it was freezing.
I am happy we are engaged just a little upset at the way it was done. I wish dad would have asked me to get dressed a little nice, he could have said he was taking me to lunch. Maybe a day that my back didnt hurt would have been nice too. I literally looked like crap, I mean I don't even think I showered that day. I was walking crooked and in pain.
O well I can't have all my happy fairy tales can I ? Maybe I can make the wedding my special day, o wait everyone is sad and doesn't want me to do it my way. I always dreamed of a sunset wedding on the beach. Okay so I have not always wanted to marry someone, in fear of divorce. But a few years back I saw a few wedding pix of a girlfriends wedding and fell in love with the idea. But famliy all wants to be there and money is tight. I am pretty sure Shawn and I could save a ton of money if we both work tons of OT. Maybe my sissie could even get her hubby to save some money for her to go.
We will still have a reception here for everyone. WE can invite everyone we wanted to celebrate with us.
Dad calls me and says that he wants to take me for a ride, to throw on some clothes he will be here within minutes. I am confused but put some tennis shoes on and grab a coat. I walk out give dad a hug and he asks if I really love Shawn. I tell him yes and I am very confused. He then makes sure I have a picture phone. I am so confused. I get into the van, very uncomfortable due to my back, and we start heading down the road. Dad tells me that him and Shawn had lunch earlier and that I was going to get a proposal from him. I was shocked, I couldn't believe he was off work and wanted to ask me. TODAY of all days. I was a total mess my back hurt so bad and I still had to study for finals.
We get to the place and dad walks me to the gazebo as Shawn walks along with us. Shawn takes me by the hand and says a few words, then pulls out the ring and gets down on one knee. He asks I say yes and we get into the car, it was freezing.
I am happy we are engaged just a little upset at the way it was done. I wish dad would have asked me to get dressed a little nice, he could have said he was taking me to lunch. Maybe a day that my back didnt hurt would have been nice too. I literally looked like crap, I mean I don't even think I showered that day. I was walking crooked and in pain.
O well I can't have all my happy fairy tales can I ? Maybe I can make the wedding my special day, o wait everyone is sad and doesn't want me to do it my way. I always dreamed of a sunset wedding on the beach. Okay so I have not always wanted to marry someone, in fear of divorce. But a few years back I saw a few wedding pix of a girlfriends wedding and fell in love with the idea. But famliy all wants to be there and money is tight. I am pretty sure Shawn and I could save a ton of money if we both work tons of OT. Maybe my sissie could even get her hubby to save some money for her to go.
We will still have a reception here for everyone. WE can invite everyone we wanted to celebrate with us.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Christmas
Okay so I am finally finshed with Christmas and cannot wait to let everyone open their gifts. I managed to get the girls way too much stuff and I got Chazzer man some really cool stuff. I got Shawn almost everything off his list and Im not sure if that is all I want to get him.
I still have to take my sister out for some new outfits, and I think we might get mom and dad and the rest something small.
Lets see ...
Chaz got to pick out 4 science kits of sorts off a website and I told him I would wrap up 3 of them for him to open Christmas Eve. He does not know that I got him a guitat and learning book, a slinky, some marble tower thing, juggling balls and I think thats it. I cannot wait for him to see it all.
BriJet and Ainzley got tons of food and dishes to add to their play kitchen from Papa, which I have no idea when he will bring it over for them. I got them some baskets and bags to go with the food, some princess hair stuff, some dress up shoes (they are in love with pretty shoes), some books, and just pretty pink girly stuff.
Shawn got a ton of magic/clown stuff that he asked for, a fireman nutcracker, a hoodie, and an ornament with our picture in it. I think thats it.
I got a hoodie for my little bro Nick and an ornament for Nana (which Michelle gave to her already). I have no idea what else to get for mom and Nick or Dad and the gang. Or if we should even get them anything.
Ugh!! Presents. Money . Time.
But the joy on peoples faces :)
I suppose I should take my kid brother out for dinner for his bday too.
I still have to take my sister out for some new outfits, and I think we might get mom and dad and the rest something small.
Lets see ...
Chaz got to pick out 4 science kits of sorts off a website and I told him I would wrap up 3 of them for him to open Christmas Eve. He does not know that I got him a guitat and learning book, a slinky, some marble tower thing, juggling balls and I think thats it. I cannot wait for him to see it all.
BriJet and Ainzley got tons of food and dishes to add to their play kitchen from Papa, which I have no idea when he will bring it over for them. I got them some baskets and bags to go with the food, some princess hair stuff, some dress up shoes (they are in love with pretty shoes), some books, and just pretty pink girly stuff.
Shawn got a ton of magic/clown stuff that he asked for, a fireman nutcracker, a hoodie, and an ornament with our picture in it. I think thats it.
I got a hoodie for my little bro Nick and an ornament for Nana (which Michelle gave to her already). I have no idea what else to get for mom and Nick or Dad and the gang. Or if we should even get them anything.
Ugh!! Presents. Money . Time.
But the joy on peoples faces :)
I suppose I should take my kid brother out for dinner for his bday too.
Matthew 7
Here lately I have been struggling with treating others how I should be treated, how GOD would treat them. I find myself judging so fast, not knowing who these people are, not knowing where these people have been or what they have gone through. It is very hard in this line of work to always think first and judge later, or not judge at all.
I have been praying about it for a while and Sunday in church I prayed about it again and guess what??? HE answered my prayer by giving me the scripture... Matthew 7
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
This is so true, how can I judge someone at all, let alone without even knowing everything about them. I need GOD to give me the strength, the tolerance, the knowledge, the love. I need to look at people through HIS eyes and see what HE sees. Because in the end we are all the same, we are all loved the same and treated the same by HIM, we are all created equal. HE loves us all the same. I should love everyone else the same, I should look at everyone the same.
I have been praying about it for a while and Sunday in church I prayed about it again and guess what??? HE answered my prayer by giving me the scripture... Matthew 7
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
This is so true, how can I judge someone at all, let alone without even knowing everything about them. I need GOD to give me the strength, the tolerance, the knowledge, the love. I need to look at people through HIS eyes and see what HE sees. Because in the end we are all the same, we are all loved the same and treated the same by HIM, we are all created equal. HE loves us all the same. I should love everyone else the same, I should look at everyone the same.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Christmas is coming
lam so excited to celebrate Christmas this year, i actually have someone special to make plans with and to exchange gifts with. all 3 kids are old enough to enjoy getting presents and to enjoy family time. i really need to go shopping i really have nothing to give for Christmas of will be the one wrapping & buyinggifts the week of Christmas. Ugh!! I wish i were more prepared this could be my last Christmas living with my wonderful babies and it is Shawn's and mine first official Christmas as a couple:(
iam very excited to g0 shopping for everyone wanna get the Kids some cool gifts and icant wait to get Shawn stuff he really wants more clown stuff .maybe i can get Something really cool for Michelle & wen. i told dad id buy the girls kitchen stuff to go with the kitchen he bought for them.
O ideas ideas ideas i have so many things i wanna get for everyone insist need to go shopping all by myself and simply look for deals. maybe ; could use my target credit card. anyone looking to give away money throw it this way.
iam very excited to g0 shopping for everyone wanna get the Kids some cool gifts and icant wait to get Shawn stuff he really wants more clown stuff .maybe i can get Something really cool for Michelle & wen. i told dad id buy the girls kitchen stuff to go with the kitchen he bought for them.
O ideas ideas ideas i have so many things i wanna get for everyone insist need to go shopping all by myself and simply look for deals. maybe ; could use my target credit card. anyone looking to give away money throw it this way.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
CIRCUS
Parking 14.00
Souveniers 38.00Drinks 15.00
Food 7.00
Snacks 10.00
Activities 12.00
Seeing my hunnybear perform in the circus Priceless
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Ideas!!
So my one year is coming up with my hunny bear and I have no idea what to do for him (us). Then there is Christmas, our first actual christmas together. And then his birthday is Feb. 2nd. UGH!! I have no ideas, ok well there are a few floating around up there but not many.
I could find some big and tall stores and get him some really big towels cuz he is always complaining about how small the towels he has are. I could get him some new clothes from a big and tall store cuz he can never find the right fitting shirt and hoodie. I could write a million different reasons that I love him on seperate peices of paper and and put them in a glass jar that I decorate. He could take out a peice a day, maybe I could wrap them around marbles or stones or something. I could write our song out on nice paper in nice writing and frame it.
I need more ideas. I need to start on these ideas now. I have less than a month for the one year anniversary, and then what idea goes with what...
I could get the glow in the dark things that stick to the wall and put "I love you" on his ceiling
I could find some big and tall stores and get him some really big towels cuz he is always complaining about how small the towels he has are. I could get him some new clothes from a big and tall store cuz he can never find the right fitting shirt and hoodie. I could write a million different reasons that I love him on seperate peices of paper and and put them in a glass jar that I decorate. He could take out a peice a day, maybe I could wrap them around marbles or stones or something. I could write our song out on nice paper in nice writing and frame it.
I need more ideas. I need to start on these ideas now. I have less than a month for the one year anniversary, and then what idea goes with what...
I could get the glow in the dark things that stick to the wall and put "I love you" on his ceiling
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Weekend
Well I finally got a whole weekend off and I enjoyed it even if things got a little hectic. I went to the zoo with the family on Saturday and had so much fun. We all walked around looking at the animals and trick or treating, the girls were pretty good for the most part. We all ate on the way home, we were all starving. Nick went with us and he was so helpful, it is amazing how much he has changed and how he is growing.
Sunday Chaz and I went to church and then hung out afterwards, he was such a good boy the whole time we were together, it was so cool to just hang out with him. Trunk or treating was this evening at my church and although it was fun the evening started out rough. My sister and the kids were rear ended by some punk kid that I am not even sure has insurance, and they were in my truck. UGH!! So now I have to go through all the hassle of getting insurance to fix my truck, not much damage at all but yet I want it fixed.
The girls were a little grumpy going into trunk or treating but after a while they were happy to get candy, they did not get much candy at all though :(
Well my hunnybear is calling so I must go to talk with him...
Sunday Chaz and I went to church and then hung out afterwards, he was such a good boy the whole time we were together, it was so cool to just hang out with him. Trunk or treating was this evening at my church and although it was fun the evening started out rough. My sister and the kids were rear ended by some punk kid that I am not even sure has insurance, and they were in my truck. UGH!! So now I have to go through all the hassle of getting insurance to fix my truck, not much damage at all but yet I want it fixed.
The girls were a little grumpy going into trunk or treating but after a while they were happy to get candy, they did not get much candy at all though :(
Well my hunnybear is calling so I must go to talk with him...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I am truly blessed
I have a wonderful man that puts up with my crap and still loves me through it all. I love Shawn Anthony Bullock to pieces. He is amazing, sweet, kind, loving, giving....... All those and more. I am truly blessed to have found such an amazing man to love me. Through thick and then he has loved me and shown me what forgiveness and true love really is. I have learned so much from him and through him.
I love that we can have fun playing at the park or watching cartoons and yet we can sit for hours at a resturant and study the bible. I love that we can go on road trips and always find ways to make it more fun than it is (cuz sitting in a car for 4 hours or more is boring). I love that we can make balloon animals together (okay I can make a sword without a handle and well he makes everything else). We just always seem to have fun and enjoy each other when we are together. I love love love the fact that we are comfortable enough to just hang out, I can study while he watched t.v.. Sounds silly I know.
I have never had a man treat me so well, he is so kind and loving and forgiving. Sure we have out downs everyone does, but we bounce back so well. He is so understanding about certain things, of course we have had to work to get there. LOL. I love my hunny. He is so awesome.
I love that we can have fun playing at the park or watching cartoons and yet we can sit for hours at a resturant and study the bible. I love that we can go on road trips and always find ways to make it more fun than it is (cuz sitting in a car for 4 hours or more is boring). I love that we can make balloon animals together (okay I can make a sword without a handle and well he makes everything else). We just always seem to have fun and enjoy each other when we are together. I love love love the fact that we are comfortable enough to just hang out, I can study while he watched t.v.. Sounds silly I know.
I have never had a man treat me so well, he is so kind and loving and forgiving. Sure we have out downs everyone does, but we bounce back so well. He is so understanding about certain things, of course we have had to work to get there. LOL. I love my hunny. He is so awesome.
Friday, October 17, 2008
UGH!!! Druggies
I cannot understand the need to do drugs. It is a horrible thing to put your body through. Not only do you hurt yourself but you hurt everyone else also. You put your kids in danger, you waste taxpayers money by needing cops and firemen and an ambulance. WHY? WHY? WHY?
I am so sick of seeing people so high on whatever drug they are using that they have no idea what is going on. I am tired of picking up drunks because they say this time they need to get sober. Why do we have to waste time dealing with these stupid people. You know what... If you wanna get drunk and pee on yourself or get high and burn out your brain cells than do it at home, behind closed doors and leave the phone off.
STOP WASTING OUR TIME!!!!!!!!
I am so sick of seeing people so high on whatever drug they are using that they have no idea what is going on. I am tired of picking up drunks because they say this time they need to get sober. Why do we have to waste time dealing with these stupid people. You know what... If you wanna get drunk and pee on yourself or get high and burn out your brain cells than do it at home, behind closed doors and leave the phone off.
STOP WASTING OUR TIME!!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Life
Well today I started my new shift with my new partner and it went okay. I really wish I could find someone to work with that really wants to get along with me and make it a true partnership. I guess I will just have to keep trying, keep playing mrs. nice guy. LOL
We ran a kid today that was brain dead and having seizures. The poor kid was less than a year old and brain dead, just layed there all the time. How sad is that to watch a baby that should be crawling and maybe trying to walk just lay there. A tube in her throat to make her breath and a tube in her tummy to make her eat, what a life. How hard it must be for the mommy to see everyday, what do you do? How do you deal? It makes me come home and give my babies a kiss, trying hard not to wake them of course. How lucky we are to have healthy, happy little girls running around this house. I am truly blessed.
I pray that people with young children could realize just how precious they are and make sure to spend time with them. These babies are our tomorrows and we need to give them the attention and time they deserve. Not to mention time is short. So many things can happen to young kids, their bodies run differently than ours, when they are sick their little bodies will compensate for a long time before crashing hard and fast. You just never know, so kiss your babies and love on them as much as you can today because that tomorrow we always think will be there might disappear one day.
I am truly blessed to have a wonderful sister and these 3 beautiful children. I am truly blessed to be able to watch my babies grow and learn and succeed. I am truly blessed to the family I have. I love my sissie with all my heart, she is so wonderful to me and I am truly amazed at the children she had for me to love on. I know I have to share them, but I really enjoy them.
We ran a kid today that was brain dead and having seizures. The poor kid was less than a year old and brain dead, just layed there all the time. How sad is that to watch a baby that should be crawling and maybe trying to walk just lay there. A tube in her throat to make her breath and a tube in her tummy to make her eat, what a life. How hard it must be for the mommy to see everyday, what do you do? How do you deal? It makes me come home and give my babies a kiss, trying hard not to wake them of course. How lucky we are to have healthy, happy little girls running around this house. I am truly blessed.
I pray that people with young children could realize just how precious they are and make sure to spend time with them. These babies are our tomorrows and we need to give them the attention and time they deserve. Not to mention time is short. So many things can happen to young kids, their bodies run differently than ours, when they are sick their little bodies will compensate for a long time before crashing hard and fast. You just never know, so kiss your babies and love on them as much as you can today because that tomorrow we always think will be there might disappear one day.
I am truly blessed to have a wonderful sister and these 3 beautiful children. I am truly blessed to be able to watch my babies grow and learn and succeed. I am truly blessed to the family I have. I love my sissie with all my heart, she is so wonderful to me and I am truly amazed at the children she had for me to love on. I know I have to share them, but I really enjoy them.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Pull to the right for sirens and lights!!!!
Why do people in Kansas City not know what to do when they see lights and sirens coming? I just do not understand how I learned to pull to the right when I saw a police car, an ambulance or a fire truck. These days people just stop in the middle of the road or the highway, how do they expect the ambulance or fire truck to stop that quick. Some people even pull to the left leaving no room to get throough, I am amazed at how people stop thinking when they see or hear us. UGH!!! It is so frustrating to have to watch for the drivers that have no idea how to drive, I wish I could just do my job and run lights and sirens and not have to worry about someone slamming on the brakes in front of me or moving the wrong way. I wish it were easier !!!
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