Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Look Inside My OCD Head

I was driving to work last night and my brain was once again whirling like a tornado like it often does. I started to go into panic mode like normal and my breathing started to get faster and faster. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it would pop out of my chest. This is a normal thing for me. For whatever reason I have these "daymares" and I DONT like them.

I start to think about stupid things, like someone I love being in a car crash and the whole scenerio playing out in my head. I even cry like it is real. Or the whole scenerio plays out of me being raped and beaten, my heart beats really fast, I get really mad, I start breathing really fast and I can't make myself believe its not real. It really feels like it just happened before I started for work. I Have no idea why these thoughts happen and I feel that when they do I have to start praying. I have to pray that the one thing I was just thinking about wont happen to the one person that was in involved. I have to pray for all the loved ones I love and if I miss one then something will happen to them.

Sometimes I hate being in the car alone, it gives my brain time to create the tornado. I hate the tornado. It is always something. It is always horrible. It is always so REAL. Sometimes I think I get so caught up in the tornado in my head that I forget where I am. It is weird its like Im driving yet Im not really there.

ANyway there is a glimpse into my crazy whirlwind head.

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