Ummm stuff

I have so many thoughts running through my head but it seems hard to put it to paper. I want to let it all out but how do I say things without upsetting someone or making people think weird of me. It is funny how I can be so close to some people yet so far away and feel so alone.

I feel like I am in a room full of people and they no not who I am nor can they see me. I have so many thoughts and feelings about things and people and myself and still I cannot tell anyone. When you say something to someone it gets twisted and turned until it reaches someone else and then the fight is on between all kinds of people.

I want to be able to chat with a girlfriend about whatever and know that what we talk about stays with us. I want to have a best friend that will tell me when I screw up and remind me to talk about the good things as well as the bad. I want a friend that is never afraid to talk with me, someone that understands me and the world I live in. I want to listen to her life and how she deals with different stress levels and how wonderful her life is.

I feel like my life is so short lived, I simply work and spend time my hunny and the babies. Where is the coffee stops with a best friend? Where is my dinner dates with a girlfriend, where we both look forward to it all week long? Where is my girlfriend to help pick out a wedding dress with me? And tell me the ones that are gorgeous for the wedding I desire not the one she desires? Where is the girlfriend that will gladly help me plan my dream wedding no matter how simple I want it?

AHH!!! I just want a best friend of my own. I know I sound crazy, but I want it I want it I want it...